Monday, March 14, 2011

Church Today...

was very powerful.Very.  Sunday School was so good.  I think we help eachother so much every week.  I like to believe at least one person if not more leaves some of their troubles behind when they leave and feel more empowered for the rest of the week.  I know I do.

I'm going to back up for a few paragraphs to last Thursday night.  I thought I had to work from 4-8.  I get to work and the schedule had been changed and I didn't have to work that night.  I wasn't feeling 100% anyway so I helped the prep girl get caught up and went to my Journey group (home church group).  I'm so glad I went.  I think I made a new friend.  Thinking of seeing if she wants to meet me at the coffee shop on Tuesday. Something about the book we're reading (You Matter More than you think by Dr. Leslie Parrott) and the corresponding video really touched a nerve.  That and depending on the unstable unemployment payments - for which I truly am grateful.  Thank you, Father.  I wanted to know what am I supposed to be doing?  Right now.  What am I supposed to be doing?

A good friend in China right now as a missionary would tell me to rest.  My hubby actually says that.  He says that's what Esther would tell me.  But I don't want to rest.  I think this is God giving me a wide open chance to do something new.  If I don't do it now, I don't want to lose a chance God is giving me.  All of us at Journey group were all wanting the same thing - what do we do now?  One woman is looking at leaving teaching, another at her age and her last two kids growing up and moving out, I'm looking at not being able to do what I feel I was called to do.

I'm an EMT.  In Summer 2004 God spoke to me as clear as any voice and said that's what I'll be.  I pursued it, and went to through two classes to get it, worked 4 places, still employed as needed for my home county.  I lost my job with big private company in ATL in Feb 2009, unemployed for 10 months and now working in the deli at a grocery store.  Nothing wrong with the deli, but we've undergone a manager change and he only schedules me 4 hours a week.  If that's not a big sign to get busy and find a new direction, then I don't know what is.

I came home Thursday night need to be by myself and journal and pray and spend quality time with God.  Not just praying, WITH God.  As soon as Trav left for work I shut everything off, no distractions, and sat on the bed with the cat, my Bible, and my journal.  When I opened my journal I saw I'd journaled and prayed a little on Wednesday the 9th, and it had been 6 since my last time.  Wait, that doesn't make sense.  I'd spent quiet time on the 3rd, and not again till the 9th.  By the 10th I was really restless.  It's getting easier and easier to recognize God's calling over Satan's discouraging and depressing mood.

My Wed. nite prayers consisted mostly of thanking God.  I thanked him for my friends, specific friends, talked to him about my cleaning challenge, and then finally told Him what was worrying me.  My recertification for my National Registry EMT.  My state had been done last year.  I am keeping up my license.  God wanted me to have it, He must have a reason.  He just hasn't revealed it to me yet

Monday afternoon continuation.

I think I'm going way off topic in this post.  Sorry it's so long, thanks for still reading at this point.

Back to Thurs nite alone time.  While I was looking for James 1:5 I came across Col. 1:9 (My paraphrasing) "Ask God to give me a complete understanding of what he wants to do in my life and ask Him to make me wise with spiritual wisdom."

James 1:5 (My paraphrasing)  "If I need wisdom and if I want to know what God wants me to do, ask Him and HE WILL BE GLAD to tell me.  He wants me to ask."

Then I found Psalm 116:1-2 "I love the Lord because He hears and answers my prayers.  I love the Lord because He bends down and listens to me; Because He listens I will pray as long as I have breath."

In the span of one week two separate people on different occasions told me to pray for the little (to me) things.  I say little to me, but they costly things - a new couch, heat pump, new roof, mulch.  I've never been told how to pray, what to pray for, that God really does care about if I want a new couch, or a rectangle table.  One of the ladies prayed for a new laptop.  When they got their taxes back she told God she would like to have one and to help her find a good deal.  If she wasn't meant to have one, there wouldn't be peace about it.  She had peace, was able to pay her bills and get a new laptop. So, I'm learning, very slowly, that I can literally give God ANYTHING.  What a new freedom for me.

James 4:2 "...And yet the reason I do not have what I want is because I don't ask God for it. 3 And even I do ask, I don't get it because my whole motive is wrong - I want only what will give me pleasure."

James 4:7-10 "So humble myself before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from me.  Draw close to God and God will draw close to me.  Wash my hands, purify my heart.  Let me cry for the wrong thigs I have done.  Let me have sorrow and deep grief.  Let me have sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.  When I bow down before the Lord and admit my dependence on him He will lift me up and give me honor."

When the devil flees from me I can feel him draining.  A couple of weeks ago I was so anxious but just could not pinpoint the source.  Once I recognized it as needing quiet time, I just started thanking God - for my friends, my church and praying for others and I could literally feel the anxiety and bad feelings draining out of me. I was so much better for the rest of the night.

When I'm unsettled it's because I've been depending on me.  I tend to treat God as my battery charger.  I spend one day with Him, feel recharged and then ignore Him until my battery runs down and I'm anxious again.

This post is going on.  I could write more, but I'll save it for another post.

"Beloved, God is not tired. Nor is He tired of you." -Beth Moore